unfinished

unfinished lovers (medium) by brian kershisnik

"Our Savior has spoken so clearly on this subject that there is little room for private interpretation. “I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive,” but then He said, “… of you it is required to forgive all men.” ^{. . .}

We must recognize that we are all imperfect—that we are beggars before God. Haven’t we all, at one time or another, meekly approached the mercy seat and pleaded for grace? Haven’t we wished with all the energy of our souls for mercy—to be forgiven for the mistakes we have made and the sins we have committed?

Because we all depend on the mercy of God, how can we deny to others any measure of the grace we so desperately desire for ourselves? My beloved brothers and sisters, should we not forgive as we wish to be forgiven? . . .

Brothers and sisters, let us put down our stones.

Let us be kind.

Let us forgive.

Let us talk peacefully with each other.

Let the love of God fill our hearts.

“Let us do good unto all men.”¹³

The Savior promised: “Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over. … For with the same measure that [you use] it shall be measured to you again.”¹⁴

Shouldn’t this promise be enough to always focus our efforts on acts of kindness, forgiveness, and charity instead of on any negative behavior?"--President Uchtdorf, "The Merciful Obtain Mercy." 

these last few days i have been thinking about the gifts that i can truly give.  i've been thinking about my will, my cheerfulness, and my forgiveness. 

isn't that scripture lovely GIVE and it shall be given unto you.  that's the funny thing about this project.  as soon as i give, it comes right back.  two-fold, four-fold.  i remember standing in the aisle choosing a gift for someone(s) who i had felt had harmed me.  i stood there.  and it was if there was a tree with scraggly roots, rooted right there in my chest and i felt it being pulled.  it was painful and strange.  and it didn't feel natural.  "this is deep." was all i could think.  and i gave my gift.  and i felt this amazing sense of self-worth.  i could do hard things.  i could rise above my natural inclinations.  i could change.  that is powerful stuff.  that was my gift that day.  and then, just days later a literal gift was returned to me.  tied with a fancy bow.  it hadn't been measured exactly--the gift i received was more than i gave. 

good measure.  pressed down.  i imagine cooking.  pressing down raw shredded coconut.  i imagine the fun bronwyn has when i let her measure in a heeping, mounded way.  there is so much fun in the exactness of leveling off the the back edge of a butter knife--but so much freedom in adding a heaping cup of ground wheat to feed "manna" (our natual yeast starter).  tim always laughs at the mess i make when i feed "manna."  flour all over the counter. running over.

this is the way we have been asked, commanded, to forgive. 

i had to ask a neighbor for forgiveness this month.  in behalf of our dog and their lawn.  i was terribly nervous, sick really.  i kept thinking about 'forgiveness flour" feeling that perhaps i needed to be carrying a cup to their doorstep.  wondering what would be extended.  what a relief when i received a hug, and a laugh, and a kind word.  and we were in every way in the wrong. 

i love kershisnik's work, because it portrays so many unseen angels hovering close in our every day decisions.  that grace, the bit of forgiveness that seems impossible for us to root out, they are there--rooting for us, holding the olive branch over our heads, because they care about us.  how we feel.   i love the uncertainty in his eyes--that moment when you are on your neighbor's porch, waiting.  how beautiful her posture of reaching and assurance--that neighbor offering comfort to me for the wrongs we committed.  i love the title "unfinished romance."  aren't we all unfinished?

who am i to cast the first stone?  to withhold measure?  when i need it.  when i ask for it.  when i am never denied it. 

"a difficult place to go"

President Harold B. Lee counseled, “The most important of all the commandments of God is that one that you are having the most difficulty keeping today.”

this gift project is pointing me in some difficult places to go.  it is a primer, a text, a class in raising my self-test score.  a rooting out.  a replacing.  last year, in my year of gratitude i felt that my eyes had been opened.  this year, i feel like it is a chance for my heart to open.