becoming

J.K. Rowling: "Fringe Benefits of Failure":

"So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had been realised, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.

Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way. I discovered that I had a strong will, and more discipline than I had suspected; I also found out that I had friends whose value was truly above the price of rubies.

The knowledge that you have emerged wiser and stronger from setbacks means that you are, ever after, secure in your ability to survive. You will never truly know yourself, or the strength of your relationships, until both have been tested by adversity. Such knowledge is a true gift, for all that it is painfully won, and it has been worth more than any qualification I ever earned."

A dear friend asked me yesterday if we would do it again (open the restaurant) if we could go back.  It was a tougher question to answer than I thought.  Financially, of course we would never do it again.  Sometimes we dream of going back in time: never opening EZ-Out, selling all our investment properties at the high, paying off our house, and living debt free and comfortable.  But I wonder if I went back and didn't support that dream how our life would be now.  Who knows, maybe really, really fantastic:). 

At times I have thought we were weak for failing.  I have been embarrassed and cringe when I drive by our empty restaurant.  When Tim brought home IN-N-OUT from the American Fork store disappointment and french fry grease sat heavy in my stomach.  The reprecussions have been difficult and will continue to be. 

and yet. . .

there has been a stripping away of the inessentials in my life.  I have very purposefully focused on a few key areas.  "I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged."  For me that has not been behind a typewriter.  It has been on my knees again and again. 

and what have I discovered?

I am stronger than I thought.  My friends are indeed priceless.  I know what I value above anything else. 

 

Perhaps only those who know how to deal failing can one day fail better (I'll let you know when we get there).

Maggie Stievfater has one of the best articles about how to become great--she says, "Its about being willing to suck."  Read the whole post--but just in case you don't. . .

"And it made me think about how this is like writing, like art, like pretty much everything worth doing. So many times I have tried to teach art or music to someone and they will give up right away when they realize that they are not instantly good at it. It takes practice, yes, and most people get that. What they don't seem to understand is that it also takes the ability to deal with your own sucking. Because what comes out of those practices -- those early manuscripts, those wretched sketches, that horrible tune -- will not look wonderful. You might not even be able to tell a difference from one practice session to another. For months. You have to live with that.

So that's the real reason of why I can play so many musical instruments. I am willing to live with myself while I do things badly, and I'm willing to do things badly again and again. I don't get frustrated when things don't turn out well; I'm a patient creature, and I know what the other side will look like. I can live with the suck."

Comments

[Brooke]

Just what I needed today. Thanks.

[Rachel]

I love that quote by Maggie. Today I'm still trying to decide if I'm willing to live with myself while I suck. We'll see.

[Joan White]

brook. you are just so amazing - and you must know that you are both loved and adored by your friends who have you place upon a very high pedestal that we can only dream of reaching some day. And....I really look forward to hearing you speak in general conf. one day and i will full on expect to have close tickets. ;) you are and never will be considered a person who has "failed" in my book, i can judge...been there.
YOU ARE LOVED!!!!

[Denise]

Thank you for this post Brook! Having been in a similar situation this past year I have had many of the same thoughts. But I also don't think I would go back and change a thing, because I have grown so much and my priorities have also changed for the better. I place more value in my relationships and the more simple things in life! I also agree with Joan and we will both be there when you speak in conference. Love you Brook!