evidence of love

. . . for once I didn't see the mess.

Tonight as I was singing Bronwyn to sleep I looked around her room--and the incredible mess.  Which, actually isn't usually the case.  The kids' rooms are ususally the neatest in the house.  But certainly not tonight--every carpeted inch was layered in tulle, fairy tales, discared clothes, and toys.  For a moment I felt my usual anxiety at the  messy sight--the tight feeling of overwhelmedness starting to creep over and paralyze my mind.  I didn't like the thought of Monday-ness in just a few more hours.

As I continued to hum and rub Bronwyn's back, I felt that moment when I know Bronwyn has given in to sleep.  Before I left the room (and really Bronwyn had gone to sleep so quickly I was really just avoided having to help Tim with Davis as I heard the boy still creeping out a few more times from his big boy bed) I looked around again.

Instead of a mess I saw evidence of love strewn about my daughter's floor--

I saw the handmade baby quilts Bronwyn had taken from their neatly folded stacks and thought of the family that had made them, eagerly anticipating her arrival.

I saw Bronwyn's new pink cowboy boots from her daddy.

I saw the lime green tutu we had finished making last night--and remembered the unreplicable creative dance moves.

I saw her apron hanging on the doorknob--the apron that has seen more pancakes, muffins, cookies, and cakes then I can count.

I saw her dresser--a vintage piece just like the one my mom had as a girl.   Tim and Dale had spied it at a yard sale and told me of its whereabouts.  After I checked it out and secured it with cash they came back to pick it up with Dale's truck (that may be at our house as much as it is at his).

I saw the books, music, photos, and clothes. 

I saw the sweet picture of Christ and the children--in the pink frame that Bronwyn helped me paint for it. 

I saw the influence of myself and those who love Bronwyn enveloping her in that room.  How blessed she is.  How blessed I was to see for a moment my influence as a mother.  Today I felt overwhelmed and inadaquete in my responsibilties as mother.  I felt that I would never measure up to the picture of motherhood I had created for myself.  Tonight I felt blessed to see for a moment the influence I do have--the things that my children are blessed with.  The evidence of love about Bronwyn's room.  I also felt blessed to see the support I have in my family and friends as I raise my children.  So tomorrow as I shelve books, sort laundry, and straighten quilts--may I remember that these messes are the evidence of life and love in my home.

(Top photo:  from the clean & straightened room archives of last week
Bottom photo: 2005 messy room archives).

Comments

[Brooke Hoopes]

This really might be one of my favorite posts that you've done. I think it is exactly what I needed to read at the beginning of a new week. If I could look at messes differently, it would honestly change my little world. What great insight into the "evidences of love" surrounding us in our homes. I loved it Brook. Thanks.